He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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