I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
