I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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