i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
