the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
