I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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