I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
time to smoke my breakfast
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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