Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I want to have your abortion
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
