The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
