the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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