Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
