I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
