I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
