I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
