areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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