Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
