I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
