Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
