If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
