I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
