I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
