I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
