So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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