Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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