finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
