I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
