I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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