if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
