and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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