Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
