I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
