Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
