Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
