she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
