No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
