Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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