he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
