I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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