so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
