New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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