i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
