Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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