its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have fence marks all over my body
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
