Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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