but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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