do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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