im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
