In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
