Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
