well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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