i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
